Overcoming Postpartum Depression
I know it’s been a long minute since my last post. The last several months were pretty difficult. I can honestly say that this was the roughest pregnancy for me. From having preeclampsia to nausea everyday, I thought I was ready to pop this baby girl out and get back to normal. But that is NOT what happened. Prepare yourself, this will be my longest blog post ever.
My Traumatic Birth Story
I was recently a victim of a hospital giving me a false positive COVID test when I went there to give birth to my daughter. I remember last year, a Dr. I met while I was at work told me that hospitals were marking patients positive for COVID without even testing them because the insurance companies pay out more for treating COVID patients.
While I was in labor pushing, one of the nurses told me that I tested positive for COVID. They waited over an hour and a half to give me those results and forced my hubby to leave the hospital due to me testing positive.
Shortly after that I had complications. The umbilical cord was wrapped around my daughter’s neck and I had to have a C-Section. My Dr. explained that to the nurses, but when he left the room to get suited up and prepped for the surgery, one of the nurses said she didn’t care what he thought and wanted me to keep pushing even though she knew that with every push the umbilical cord was tightening around my daughter’s neck. I started pushing about an hour before my Dr. got there. I’m thankful to God that the Dr. intervened when he did. I could’ve lost my daughter while trying to do the vaginal delivery.
So not only did my hubby miss seeing the birth of his daughter because of the falsified COVID test result, but I also had to go into an emergency major surgery without his support.
When my hubby got home, he took our sons with him to go get tested for COVID. All of them came back negative which seemed very strange that nobody in my household tested positive for COVID, but yet I did. I was home on maternity leave for three weeks, so it didn’t make any sense at all. I explained that to the nurses, but my hubby was still not allowed to see his daughter until I was discharged.
I was isolated with my daughter in a room they used for storage, because they claimed they didn’t have any other rooms available. They also didn’t give me another COVID test to see if there was an error.
Not only was this hospital shady, but they had disrespectful nurses. One of the nurses had the nerve to ask me if I’m sure that I hadn’t been out partying or clubbing and contracted COVID.
When I was discharged from the hospital, I went and got tested for COVID. I did the nasal swab test, antibody blood test, and PCR test. All of my tests came back negative.
What this hospital put me through ruined the experience of giving birth to my daughter for me and my family. I was so depressed that I didn’t sleep at all while in the hospital. It was the most uncomfortable and traumatic experience. I thought once I was discharged and back home that I would feel better. But the depression didn’t go away.
Emotional Healing & Psychological Effects
It‘s been about two weeks since this all happened and the first day I haven’t cried. There‘s text messages I still haven’t responded to because I didn’t want to go into details of what happened at the hospital.
While I’m thankful and happy that my little princess is doing well, I struggled getting over the anger of what that hospital did and the sadness that this experience wasn’t what I had planned.
The last few days I’ve been trying to figure out how to move past all of these mixed emotions. I tried even searching on Google how to get over postpartum depression. Having a good support system is what I kept coming across. But what do you do if you don’t have one? I’m the worse with expressing my emotions to people. So for me, writing this post is my way of letting it out. I realized it’s not going to happen overnight, but to just take it one day at a time.
This experience created a space of negative energy I trapped myself in. Mentally, I was gone. Even though I have people around me that care, I still felt alone and trapped in a nightmare.
Before I went to sleep last night, I chose not to sit in that energy any longer and finally not cry myself to sleep. I had to make a conscious decision that I can’t continue down that path. It’s still a struggle getting over what happened, but today has been a better day for me. Focusing on my recovery is most important right now, because I can’t change what has already happened.
The physical pain from the C-section is soooo ridiculous. I’m allergic to the pain medication the Dr. wanted me to take. So he prescribed Ibuprofen which does basically nothing for the pain I’m still in.
AND I’m not allowed to work out for at least 6 weeks?! So much for my SnapBack.
Having a C-section requires patience and with 3 kids, patience on top of patience is needed.
I really want to start working out, but from what I’ve read online it’s better to wait until fully healed to avoid long term consequences. Walking is supposed to be good to do while healing. So I’m going to start stroller walks this week, now that I’m in a better headspace.
For anyone out there currently going through any type of depression, please know that you can pull through it. I don’t think there’s a cookie cutter way to deal with depression. Each person and level of depression is different, so what is currently working for me may not be right for others. But hopefully sharing my experience will resonate with someone that feels like no one understands what they’re going through. The more you share your experience with others, you will start to see that there’s a lot of people going through the same thing or similar.
Thank you so much for reading this loooong post. If you have advise or want to share your experience, please share in the comments below. :-)